I am a new person!

I actually got my hair cut and coloured, it's light, shiny and swishy! N is also sleeping every night and has started cooing and giggling. He is turning into an amazing little man.
We've gone to 2 baby massage classes, they are fabulous for calming him down and his colicky tendencies are slowly disappearing. He is an absolute devil for fighting sleep during the day, but if that means he will sleep at night, well that's a trade off I'm willing to take.
Kettlebells was fun last week, having an hour or so to myself was really nice, and I missed actually doing proper exercise while pregnant.
I'm considering making a complaint about the way my delivery was handled, I'm going to talk to my GP this week, the more people who hear the story, the more I'm convinced myself and Nate are lucky to be here.

The breakthrough

I have no idea how we've done it, in fairness I think N did it all himself, but he's sleeping from around 11/12 to 6/7. It's an absolute revelation, I feel human again, doing the dishes doesn't make me cry anymore, the thought of physical movement doesn't scare me and the blinding headaches are now few and far apart.
I've joined a baby massage class, I'm starting a kettlebells class next week and I'm actually going out and getting my hair done next week.
It's also my birthday tomorrow, it really doesn't feel like it, it's a non-birthday though, I really don't feel like doing anything.

The worry, the guilt.

N has a little issue that needs to be monitored by the hospital. Nothing major, we just need appointments every 6 months to "see how it gets on....".  Hospitals are horrible places, children's hospitals are just awful. It's heartbreaking seeing teeny tiny people with problems only  adults should have, they can't understand what's wrong with them and can't tell anyone what's wrong.
When there's anything wrong with your child the worry and guilt it can conjure up is unreal. I had a short cord which caused N to be stuck in one position and that caused the problem. So of course I feel guilty about that, guilty that I didn't happen to notice what every medical professional had already missed. The guilt is coupled with the worry, worrying that it will hinder his eating and speech development, it took us 2 days to get him to feed from a bottle, don't even ask about breastfeeding (that's a whole other post). It doesn't make it any better that no one can answer our questions, it's all a question of wait and see, so well just wait patiently with our fingers crossed.

Bliss!!!!

2 nights of sleeping 11-7:30am, absolute bliss. Only problem with this development is the fact we can't rely on it to continue, a baby is not a dependable person. Tonight we might be back to 2 hour sleeping bursts. So I can't even share my joy from getting 2 nights sleep! Once I utter it to another person I know the baby gods will smite me down and poke N every 2 hours to wake us!

Today...

I bought new shoes. My husband took over the morning shift, I went and sent off our wedding thank you cards, just under the etiquette limit of 1 year! had a Starbucks, changed some clothes and bought new satin wedge sparkly shoes!
They really cheered me up, as did the 3.5 hours of peace. N and the husband get on so well, the husband soothes him so much. N started gurgling and cooing, it's very cute. He also slept for 6.5 hours last night, it was bliss, we've had a messed up day feed wise so I know he'll be up in the middle of the night tonight.
Noone talks about the emotions and despair of the first few weeks, people talk about the depression, but what about the people who just feel down, overwhelmed and slightly resentful about losing their old lifestyle. It's not bad to feel like that, you are basically mourning a relationship, it takes a good while to transition from your old life to your new brand spanking new life.