The first A&E visit.

Everything has been going fantastic! N is sleeping on average from 10 till 7 every night. He doesn't sleep during the day, he prefers catnaps! We noticed when he was born he might have a tight foreskin, but we were assured it was ok, it seems to have caused an infection :(
He's on an antibiotic and a painkiller to help, but of course these have given him cramps and diarrhoea and all he wants is cuddles and love. Hopefully it will clear up soon and we will have our bright little man back. A&E was surprisingly easy quick and nice, as he was so young they looked at him ASAP, they eassured me that I was right to bring him in and had caught him on the brink of the infection, so it should clear quickly. I was also told in the hospital that N is teething, at 8 weeks, so scary and way too fast. my little man is now 10 weeks and has lost his little newborn look and you can see the boy he will become. I wish I could just freeze some moments in time.

Do your research.

So sitting here with a baby shape snuggled peacefully to my chest, looking like one of those glowing fake mothers in the hospital book. You probably wouldn't believe that yesterday afternoon I was a snivelling mess. I just wanted N to stop crying, actually I just wanted not to be in the same room or house as N. I wanted someone to take him and tell me I wasn't useless, this wasn't something I could control. I also fleeting thought of adoption, but unfortunately the husband said no, no family wants a snivelling leaking 33 year old.
I can completely understand why people have to walk away from their screaming child, and that scares me.
I'm scared I'm not maternal enough, I'm scared I'm not keeping N happy, I'm scared I'm not stimulating him enough. I'm also scared someone else would do a better job then I can. Turns out perfectionists make scared mothers, I'm a big believer in lists and research, so before I do anything I research it to the nth degree, so I know what I'm getting into. Unfortunately all the books and lists in the world do not help soothe a crying baby.